1. Who has the time for a relationship?
Inbetween your 2nd year at that gap year job, going back to school because you’re unemployable, your blog, your friends, your family, and the internet, you’re pretty swamped.
Two. You’re no longer surrounded by people your own age.
Fraternizing in the real world is not almost as effortless as college makes it seem.
Three. Which means there aren’t social functions every Friday and Saturday and Thursday.
Millennium Entertainment / Via giphy.com
As well as every other Tuesday, the last Sunday of the month following an odd-numbered Wednesday, and the Monday after a blue moon whereupon we only drink Blue Moon.
Four. And you’re too old for the club scene…,
Gravely, how did you ever think that was joy?
Five. …,but too youthfull for online dating.
You’re not that lonely. Yet.
6. You either spend all your money on rent and food…,
And student loans and car payments and phone payments and internet and craft beer because you’re an adult and a classy bitch.
7. …,or you live at your parent’s house.
I guess with all the money you save on rent and food, you could just get yourself a hotel room after every date.
8. You’re naive enough to still have an ideal playmate…,
Where are you red-haired, Irish, glasses-wearing librarian whose two beloved things are Game of Thrones and hook-up?
9. …,but too mature to abide stupidity.
The college graduate does not abide. Damn you liberal arts education!,
Ten. Besides, you’re pretty much already dating Netflix and Facebook.
I spend more time on them than not on them. And when I’m not on them, I’m thinking about them. Is this love?
11. There’s too much going on in your own life to have to worry about another person.
Like my script about space cowboys. Wait, that’s already been done? Twice!,? WHEDOOOOOOOOOOOOON!,!,!,!,!,
12. Nor are you emotionally mature enough to treat somebody else’s shit.
I supply enough crazy for any room I walk into.
13. You’re holding out for that job in [insert big city here].
You’ll have enough money and free time to date all the people once you get this job. And who knows where you’ll end up? L.A., Fresh York, ungoverned Afghanistan: Somebody, somewhere has to need the services of a semi-skilled college graduate, right? Right?
14. It’s not effortless to find someone who has similar interests and who gets you.
Whether you’re in your early 20’s or not.
15. And, at the end of the day, most of us just have no idea what we want yet.
Fine, I’ll lodge with a dark-haired, British, glasses-wearing doctor whose two beloved things are Doctor Who and hook-up.
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